Pissing Off Carson Daly on Halloween

October 30, 2019

You know, there are so many things I could have titled this story.  But seeing as we are right at Halloween this title fits as well as any. And before I start, I just want to say I’m not trying to name drop here. Really. It was just a weird day.

To my mother’s dismay, I moved to New York City after college.  Why?  That’s a whole separate story unto itself.  But thanks to a friend of a friend, which is how you get most of your friends in New York, I was able to land one of the jobs I could only dream of.  Working for MTV.

Now mind you, this was back when MTV actually still showed music videos.  Granted they were dwindling, but they still existed.  I got the kind of job you’d expect from a twenty something year old, Basement Dweller.  The technical term was Archivist, and it was actually in the very back of the lobby.  But same diff.  Didn’t even matter though, I was in “the industry”.  I was hobnobbing with major artists and famous actors, getting in exclusive parties and seeing historical pop cultural events as they happened.  It was the life, invisible as I was.

The week of Halloween, all of the Grunts were encouraged to dress up in costume.  I was in my smart-ass phase at this time.  It should be ending any day now.  I had this idea to dress in a zombie costume with a big sign hanging from my neck that said “Thank You Very Much.”  I was The Grateful Dead.  Get it?  Yeah, nobody else did either.  And for good measure, I wrote the “Thank You Very Much” in Spanish on the back of my sign.  Because hey, you never know.

I got to work and quickly noticed very few people actually dressed up.  It was quite awkward for me.  I guess the ambitious people at my level thought it made more sense to dress like the execs than to dress like the commoners.  But I digress.

I decided to make the best of it going around asking everyone to guess who I was.  All morning, I was all, “Who am I?”  “Who am I?”  “Who am I?”  No one could figure me out.  One of the director’s assistants saw my costume and was mildly impressed.  Impressed enough to ask me if I wanted to be one of the crowd participants on MTV Live with Carson Daly.  Yes please! He started to see I was getting rather excited, so he then hit me with the caveat. 

The catch was the Halloween episode was also a promotion for blood drive.  The idea was to have someone donate blood live on TV.  The problem was, they couldn’t find anyone willing to do it.  And live airtime was in three hours.  Luckily, I used to donate blood in college pretty much every semester.  So, with that, and a smart-ass costume, I was a prime candidate.

I reported to the studio where a tech hand greeted me.  She looked me over, chuckled, and pointed me toward makeup.  I headed that way slightly insulted.  I thought my home done makeup was pretty awesome.  All those feelings evaporated as I walked in the makeup room and found the makeup artist engaged in a convo with Jodie Foster.

Jodie was sitting legs crossed in a waiting chair facing the makeup chair.  She leaned forward, looking me up and down as I sat in the makeup chair, I assume trying to figure me out.  As the makeup artist turned to me to get to work, she introduced us.

Artist:  So Jodie, this is Gerard from down in Archives.

Jodie:  Hello.

I pointed to my costume, all smiles. 

G: Who am I?

She squinted at me, trying to figure it out.  Finally shaking her head and shrugging.

G: I’m The Grateful Dead.

Jodie: Ah.  Baddum, pssh.

Artist: Alright, Gerard.  Close your eyes.

The makeup artist finally spun me around and got to work while finishing her convo with Jodie Foster.  She basically wiped my face clean and started over.  Everything I created, she got rid of.   I couldn’t even focus on what she was doing or what she and Jodie were saying, seeing as I was about to get a needle stuck in me on live TV.  While my eyes were closed, I heard someone call Jodie out of the room.  And like that, she was gone.

As the artist finished with my eyes and I opened them, in walked of all people, Gilbert Gottfried.  He seemed in a hurry and to be looking for something.  The artist answered some random question that seemed to set him at ease.

Artist: Oh, Gilbert.  This is Gerard.  He’s going to be on with Carson.

Gilbert (and I dare you to not read this in his voice): Nice to meet ya.

Once again, I pointed to me costume, not expecting anything different than the others.

G: Who am, I?

He looked me up and down with a look of experiencing a bad smell.  Then, out of nowhere.

Gilbert: The Grateful Dead?

OMG, out of everyone that could have guessed.  Of all people, Gilbert Gottfried was the only one all day to figure it out.

Artist: Okay Gerard, that’s enough.  Head to the set.

She whisked me away and out of the room where I made my way onto the set.  People were moving around quickly.  Some were set hands, others were crowd kids just there to cheer everything that happened.  I walked gingerly over the cables and through the people to the middle of the set.  There was a director looking guy calling around, asking why the gurney was still empty.  That sounded like my queue.  I walked over to the director guy and the assistant that talked me into this standing around the gurney.  The assistant saw me, let out a huge exhale and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me over.

Assistant:  This is the guy I told you about.

Director: This is the guy?

Assistant: This is the guy.

Director: Are you the guy?

G: Yeah, I guess I’m the guy.

Director: Alright, get up on the gurney.

Quickly, grunts were helping me on the gurney and a nurse was filling my ear with everything that was about to happen and making me sign things, waivers I guess.  Suddenly Carson Daly walked onto the set.  He’s talking quick, checking random stuff.  I’ve only interacted with him a couple of times, in the elevator or passing in the lobby time stuff.  Not super approachable.  He came over and gave me the typical once over, trying to figure me out.  I didn’t even bother asking.

G: I’m The Grateful Dead.

Carson: Yeah, I can see that.  Nice.

And boom, he was on to the next whatever.  The nurse set up for drawing the blood, but stopped to make sure she didn’t do it before going on the air.  So, I sat there and waited.  People took position, and like a flash the show was on.  Kids were dancing and cheering, music was pumping.  It was the typical MTV Live experience you saw on TV, but lying in the middle on a gurney.  Carson was working his Halloween jokes, slowly making his way in my direction.  Next thing I knew, he was standing over me with the camera in our faces. The nurse quickly went into action swabbing my arm and wrapping the band around.  Carson pretended to not have inside scoop on what my costume was.

Carson: And over here we’ve got the blood drive going.  Let me guess, The Grateful Dead?

Here’s where it all went wrong.

I gave him a thumbs up and a big smile, he gave me one back.  But that wasn’t enough for me.  I decided for good measure to flip my sign over and show the Spanish translation on the back.  Maybe it was a bad translation, maybe my cursive was terrible.  I don’t know what it was but Carson’s smile faded and his eyes got big when he realized he couldn’t read it.  He started to panic.

Carson: What in the world is that?  I don’t know, this guy’s crazy.  Bring the camera over here.

And just like that, they moved to the other side of the studio away from me.  The nurse stopped to wait for them to come back.  I was a bit confused as to why they moved away.  But then a couple minutes later when they went to a video or commercial or something, I found out.  Carson came storming back toward me.

Carson: What was that?  With the sign, what was that?

G: It’s “thank you very much” in Spanish.

Carson: You couldn’t give me a heads up on that before you did it?

G: I dunno, I was just going with it.

Carson: You were going with it?  Who is this guy?

A slight bit of chaos broke out debating the merits of my sign, Carson not knowing what was going to happen, who picked me to do this, and should I stay there.  And since we had all of a music video worth of time to conclude all of this, I was still on the gurney when we went back live, but they didn’t come over to me again.  I could see the conversation still going on off screen with the production staff.  The next commercial break, the assistant jogs over to my gurney.

Assistant: That’s it, kid.  We’re done here.  Head back down to Archives.

And just like that, I was brushed out of the studio, door closing hard behind me. 

The next day, I was fired.  They didn’t even notify me that I was fired.  I came in to work, and realized my badge didn’t work anymore.  My supervisor saw me and told me my contract was being “terminated” while the rest of the team just walked around like I wasn’t even there.  I have to admit though, it was a good run.  If trying to give Wyclef my demo CD while on the clock or cursing out Chumbawamba in the lobby didn’t get me fired, some would have sooner or later.  It was just my time.  But it was possibly the best five-month long job I ever had.

-TGY-